Non-Action Shots

As promised...a few pics...

He is a real american

The Honeymooners during happier times

More exciting non-action!

A sight rarer than a live dodo.

As actiony as any shot I got.


(We're going to need much more participation next year, I can't play every down and be expected to take pictures at the same time)

(i.e. take a breather)

(i.e. make love to an oxygen tank)

BREAKING NEWS

THIS JUST IN....

A GAME PLAYED 14 DAYS AGO ENDED WITH A 12 - 11 SCORE!

Yes, this update is a long time coming. Hopefully our collective ancient memories can help us recall what transpired on that glorious Friday afternoon.

PREGAME

Once again we had our pregame meal at pizza town. Attendance was scarce. Lewis gave a leg drop to an entire pizza pie. It was magical.

Not so magical...people calling not knowing what's going on. [side rant] So...usually there are what...no less than 10 emails that fly around prior to the big day. Weather is updated...people playing is updated...the time and location of lunch and the game are stated. This year an entire website was devoted to this information as well. And still, some people had trouble finding their way to lunch, or didn't know what time the game started. HEY GUESS WHAT? IT'S BEEN THE SAME TIME FOR 14 YEARS!!!![end rant]

WHAT TIME IS IT? GAME TIME.

Worlds collided. Erno vs. Erno picking teams. The dip can was flipped to see who picked first. Sticker side up I picked. Bottoms up, Chris picks. Sticker side up, I pick Cashman first. Chris responds by picking his buddy from work to try and match our size. Norm is my next pick. Lewis is picked next by Chris. Match ups are looking pretty even. Anthony, Motz, and Rose round out my team. Ira, Anthony's Neighbor, and Hoggzilla round out Team Grizzly.

The dip can was flipped again to see who starts with the ball. The same scenario plays out and we get the ball first. This is where my memory gets foggy. Lack of oxygen and having to put my flag belt on after every five yards of movement left me distracted and disoriented through much of the game. I believe we turned the ball over on downs or via INT on our first drive. Norm had a TAINT (TD after INT) on Team Grizzly's first possession. We fell behind 2-1 after a passing and receiving TD from Chris. Both teams battled back and forth. We were up 6-5 at the half.

Shortly after the second half, Chris's Buddy from work goes out with an injury. In comes a fresh player, John. He makes an immediate impact with his speed and...for being in some sort of shape. (cheater)

The game is 11-11 and we're driving. We have a fourth and goal from the one foot line. Anthony scrambles, he's near the pylon...CONTROVERSY. It looked close, he might have had the ball over the plane, but his foot might have been out of bounds. Unfortunately, we couldn't review it since Andy Reid used both of our challenges during lunch.

[confused silence]

We're civil and we're men so we spot Team Grizzly with the ball at the one inch line. Figuring they'll have to drive 99.9 yards to score. Well...they did. Final score 12-11. What a game.

Chris claims he had 9 TD passes and 2 TD Receptions. Unfortunately I started Willie Parker over him for the 100th time this stupid fantasy season.

(I'll throw some more action shots up once I have them uploaded.)

POLLS

I will be putting up polls for offensive and defensive MVP's as well as play of the game. This is where I need your help. I can remember a few decent plays, please help me remember some more (for example, i know we had some long TD's, I just can't remember who all were involved):

1. Norm's TAINT
2. Deluca threading the needle (literally Brett Farving it between two defenders)
3. Chris's prayer to mid field that Lewis made up about 10 nautical yards to dive and catch.
4. Chris and BJ's "skirmish"

Also I'd like to vote for funniest subplots, and again I'll need some help...so far I have:

1. Hogg's rising like a phoenix to reclaim his stony status
2. Me being drug across the field by Anthony's neighbor's flag, to which he replies, "Oh...I guess I tied that on." No S.
3. Speaking of belts, mine staying on as if I was made of water and it was oil. (If I didn't know any better, it would have been a genius idea to slow the game down so that I could catch my breath)
4. The ceremonial dip can flips.

Again, I need all your help making my lists a little better. Once I get some input I'll erect some polls. (insert your own barn yard joke)

POST GAME


Another evening was spent at that legendarily classy joint known as Moe's. No one was too sore to lift a few or to do a little light house keeping...

The best part about this story is that the waitress remembers someone vacuuming once a year. I suppose we all have to be remembered for something. Norm's tombstone will read, "That dude who vacuumed once a year on black friday." (pending size of tombstone, we may just need to stick with "Douchebag")

(I kid because I care)

BONUS FEATURES

Because not everyone made it out to Roseband 08 after the Hockey Game on Saturday. For your listening pleasure...

Check back for photo updates (I promise it will happen in this calendar year!)

Update

PLAYING:

1. Lewis
2. Anthony
3. Rose
4. Motz
5. Norm
6. Big E
7. Ira
8. Me
9. Hoggzilla

RIDING THE PINE:

1. Willy
2. Chad
3. Weaver
4. Ty
5. Rossello Siblings

UNKNOWNS:

1. Simmons
2. Kurtis
3. Ben
4. Dave K
5. Mike J
6. Wes

What I'm seeing is a possible lean year for participants. What I'm also seeing is domination on my part as I don't see many favorable mach ups. The only other definite I know is whoever is QB on the Hogginators team, your completion percentage dropped about 75%. Good to see Stoney in the mix as always.

FORECAST

Pretty much the same as last time. Sunny. High of 45. Two pulled labia's and a sprained hymen.

OTHER DETAILS

Pizza Town @ noon.

Fisher Field @ 1 p.m.

Me needing oxygen @ 1:01 p.m. Correction...12:05 p.m. (that stromboli will be sitting heavy)

REMINDERS

Pain is coming.

1 Weak

It may appear to those with a strong understanding of the english language that I mispelled "Week" in the title, as there is one week left till the big game. Well, asshats I was making a punny, in the sense that it is motherloving weaksauce that we currently have a monster 4 or 4 game scheduled for next Friday. Is this the TURKEY BOWL or the annual Central Pennsylvania Hairdressers punt, pass, and kick competition????!!!!!


Ladies, we need to step it up, or should I just bring my croquet set...perhaps a little bocce ball? So yeah...if you can't figure out this Matrix-like technology, please just send an email if you or someone you know is playing. Also, someone make one of those traps where you prop a box up with a stick and put some bacon and Oakland A's paraphernalia under it...we need to hear from the Hogg.

MEN of HONOR:

1. Lewis
2. Anthony
3. Rose
4. Motz
5. Norm
6. Big E
7. Ira
8. Me

Cuckolded Men (those we haven't heard from):

1. Hogg
2. Ty
3. Kurtis
4. Mike J
5. Dave K
6. Ben
7. Simmons
8. Rose Siblings
9. Wes

Cockblocked (those who will be MIA):

1. Willy
2. Chad
3. Weaver (unless it's raining)

As always, anyone I'm forgetting, please get the word out. Feel free to invite a friend. I'd say no douchebags allowed, but we've been letting Norm play for years, so how can we really enforce that? (wink)

Extended Forecast:

PAIN

also:

OTHER WEEKEND ACTIVITIES: (EDITED FOR UPDATES)

1. Tonight (Friday, Nov. 21)- Mechanicsburg H.S. Football Playoff Game- Contact Deluca for more info
2. Tomorrow (Saturday, Nov. 22)- PSU vs. MSU freeze fest 08...temps in the 20's...windchill in the teens, my testicles hiding behind my liver.
3. Post game (Friday, Nov.28)- Moe's, where the monster record tab of last year will try to be broken.
4. Hockey? (Saturday, Nov. 29)- 2 p.m. Park n' Ride Mechanicsburg. (tentative)
5. Rock Band- @ Rossello's - 24-7/ 365

Any other gatherings or parties, lets get them up here.

Listen Up

We're getting ridiculously close to the main event with little to no smack talk. It's a travesty. I'd mark it some where between the Holocaust and the Challenger Explosion. Those who want to leave comments, but don't have google or blogger accounts still can. Just click anonymous as the identity option. Leave your name in the comment field if you want us to know who you are. Anonymous smack talk (aka pussy talk) will not be tolerated. ***EDIT- This feature is now working!***

ROLE CALL

Please take a second and announce your intentions of playing or not playing so we have an idea of what we're looking at. If I have to go grab some hobo's (scabs) to fill the rosters I will. I know Willy and Chad are no go's. (sick) Anyone else?

CONTINUALLY EDITED- To Update those sacking up for another year of torture:

1. Rose
2. Norm
3. Mike E.
4. Lewis
5. Chris
6. Ira
7. Michael Theodore
8. Anthony

I can assume others are coming, but won't put their names down for fear of making an ass out of you all. I'm already an ass, so I don't worry about it. Those with contacts to Wes and some of the other guys that play send the emails or a link to the site. As always let me know about siblings, cousins, and any other surprise guests we may get. Thanks.

RULE CHANGE
It appears that the modified tackle/flag rule change will be adopted. I have 16 red and 16 yellow flagged belts. They are the kind that the entire belt comes off, not just the flag. To recap the rule:

To sack a QB behind the line of scrimmage, or down a receiver after a reception- Tackle

Running plays, or plays where a QB scramble past line of scrimmage- Flags.

THE TRADITIONS
Lunch at Pizza Town at noon? Any other ideas? Arrive at Fisher by 1 p.m. ready to go.

FINAL THOUGHTS
Start stretching that labia ladies. From what I understand, you don't want any tearing down there.

Juking the Stats

I have an archive of Turkey Bowl related email on my work computer. The Township has warned us not to email or do anything on the computer that we wouldn't want on the front page of the Patriot News. I felt it would be a good time to go clean out the closet.

Some time between when the emails where first sent/ received and now, software has gone and deleted some of the emails for various reasons. Below are the stats:

REASON::= PROFANITY

• Me- 8
• Ira- 1
• Williamson- 3
• Chris- 1

REASON::= SEXUAL DISCRIMINATION

• Anthony- 2
• Williamson- 4
• Me- 1
• Chris- 1

REASON::= RACIAL DISCRIMINATION

• Me- 2 (not the Erno you'd expect to find here...perhaps I was responding to one of Chris's emails...hmmm...)

Although we lost a lot of creative gold, the system is not fool proof. Somehow this gem was left untouched:

This is DJ Slim once again at WPL40. As soon as The Big E left a new special guest just walked in. Rossellooooooooooooooo!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Good to see you again Rossi, how r u doin?

"muff, buff, shuff, luff."

What was that? It seems that Rossi can't talk right now. He has something
in his mouth. For all you listeners out there, it looks a little
white or creamish in color. Looks like he has a little in his left eye too.
Ladies and gentlemen, I'm no rocket scientist but I think I know what it
is........It appears he has a little Strock DNA on him. That's it, I'm getting
off the air.BEEPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPP.

end of broadcast

Oh and this one....guess "fag" is no longer a sexual discriminated word:

I personally have no idea what the hell you were saying in that e-mail. In my simple and conservative mind, I think you have now topped Rossello's gayness by using words like that. I can't speak for us all, that's just my opinion. FAG!!!!

No need to tell you which Shakespearean mind penned that magic.

Indecent Proposal

Coming to you live from the Erno, Fugate, Lewis owners meeting where we had to ban this creepy f*ck:



Here is the following proposed rule change for this years game-

Flag football with exception of sacking the quarterback, or tackling a receiver after a reception. The only exception to the rule would be for a screen pass, where flags would be used. Lets recap shall we:

- Running play- Flags
- Screen pass reception- Flags
- All other receptions- Tackle
- Sacking the quarter back behind the line of scrimmage- Tackle
- Quarterback scrambles past line of scrimmage- Flags

A poll will be erected (hehehe) for you to vote on this proposal. If you have other ideas, please don't be a pussy and comment.

PA.......THETIC

Clap incubators, what are we mormon? !

(uhhhhmmmm....)

What is this? October ?!

(oh wow...yeah, apparently so)

What's wrong with this picture?!

(What. The. F.)

See, moral of the story....if you don't start getting your S ready for Turkey Bowl, a tumbleweed is going to come on a weak side safety blitz and take your old ass out.

Stay tuned for details, and potential rule changes. Lewis had a mensa like idea that I loved at the time, but I also feel that I was drunk at the time, and thus unable to recall proposed rule change. I know it's not, "If we're going to play with flags, the flags have to be made of bacon." Although I feel like that would be a strong addition.

And the biggest turkey of them all....

I know I'm a little late with this, but congrats to Rose- "voted" the 2007 Turkey Bowl MVP, and for leading the New York Giants to the Super Bowl. You must be a popular dude...with a rugged sound...like a rusty steak knife, cutting through a well aged steak.